A friend of mine approached me last night and said “how do you use social media to enhance your relationship?” (Specifically, he meant Twitter and Facebook.)
My husband and I work opposite schedules, making a lot of things rather difficult to plan together unless we are going out of town. But most things, including all the “coupley stuff”, like double dates (or single dates for that matter) are really hard to fit in sometimes. We make it work, and this most likely will not be forever, but yes. Our time together is rather precious.
But we communicate better than a lot of couples I know. I am not biased, really, because I can see the benefits of our communication – in the way that we speak to each other, the way we speak ABOUT each other, and even in the way we use our body language to let the world know that we do, in fact, like each other. I meet a lot of couples that simply do not like each other anymore, so they utilize their time out or time away from each other to put each other down or complain about the things that they do not like about the other.
Some of us use social media because we are scared of being vulnerable in person, and Twitter allows us to be witty and charming without ever having to admit who we are in actual reality…sometimes we are ashamed of the person we are and sometimes we simply do not believe in ourselves. Some of us use social media to never have to officially defend our opinion – we can rant and rave and no one will ever really call us out on our claims – we log out or turn of twitter if we cannot handle what people are saying. Not that long ago, I called someone out for making a generalized statement and he simply chose to ignore me.
I think Twitter makes us anonymous, so it really makes us MORE real. But then…we as people show our true colors when we are forced to prove that in person. Are we ever really the same person?
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View Comments to “What is Real in Social Media?”
Reality within social media is a touchy subject for me. If I practice what I preach… then I would be 100% me online all the time. I tend to be for the most part anywho. It is in my nature. My thought process is, if you are going to do business with me or have me as a friend, you will always get the real me. The issue is my clients clients. Sometimes I work as a sub for larger firms that have larger clients that are very diverse. Sometimes my ideologies, opinions, and manners might be a little too liberal for them. So I find myself having to filter myself often. Which tends to send a shiver up my spine because it is not my nature. Man… I could go on and on on this topic
Nope.
Definitely some interesting questions to raise here. What I've appreciated about social media's influence and shaping of the internet is that it has made it, at least a little bit, LESS anonymous. People in the facebook age are moving away from operating under pseudonyms like Kevin Spidel's old AIM name: disneyprincess84943.
All joking aside, even just tying things to a more real name makes things a bit more real, in my mind. I definitely strive to be as much of myself all the time as I can be, while acknowledging that it won't always look perfectly similar.
Thanks for the post!
You ran away from my challenge…does that mean you found me inauthentic when you met me in person?
I wonder if we are becoming more brave as a social media society because authentic online personalities are more and more accepted now?
There was a challenge?
There was, but I suppose that response merits the challege unmemorable for you. And…after thinking about my reactionary comment, this really isn't the forum for that.
So…what does it look like when we merge our “online” and “in person” selves? I always find it rather endearing to meet people in person that I have had deep converstations with online, as if we have spoken for the first time…kind of like first date awkwardness.
Still have no idea what you're talking about regarding the first part.
I don't see why there's such a clamor about merging anything. Just be the same person you are in both mediums, all the time.
I am sure it is not that simple. Some people do not believe that they are the same person or even that they can be.
The internet and all forms of media give us an annonymity. Blogging, posting, and sharing our stories online allow us the power to display our “self” with the power of an edit button, photoshop, and all the tools at hand on any basic computer. So…while yes, I am just as open online as I am in person, I find that it is unrealistic to expect everyone else to feel or be the same.
For some, the simple fact is that they do not carry the confidence to be authentic in person. This is due to so many intricacies…shyness, inability to communicate, assumptions that people make when they see us.
So I think the challenge is more on the people that ARE confident to be the same in person as they are online…perhaps our feat is to find a way to encourage them to be more open rather than run away.
I've thought a lot about this subject and had a few conversations with Kevin about it. I'm still not sure how I feel about it but, I think it's unrealistic to think you can be 100% the same person online that you are in person. I almost think one can be more authentic online than in person because there is a wall of protection online, or maybe I should call it a separation of some sort, that gives you this shield and allows you put yourself out there in a way that is often difficult to do in person. In person you have to deal with facial expressions and body language and social phobias and fears, fear of rejection, etc. We (most of us, I think) have our guards up in person in a way we don't online.
Here's the other thing that just struck me…online you put yourself out there, you put your voice out there, and people are drawn to you because of that voice. They find you. But in person, you can't always just “put your voice” out there…there is so much more involved to in-person contact…appearance, distractions, fears, filters, etc. I have been able to meet people online I would never have met in person because I don't put myself out there in person in the same way I can online. In person, I think we tend to stick with people generally like ourselves…but online we're able to see that we have a lot in common with people who may not be like us on the outside, who may not go to the same places, have the same superficial interests, the same backgrounds, live in the same area, etc. The guarded person I am in person is the authentic me as much as the more open person I present online is me and social media helps me, at least, to merge those two aspects of myself.
I am sure it is not that simple. Some people do not believe that they are the same person or even that they can be.
-These people are crazy. We have this thinking that everyone is interesting and worth listening to via any medium. That is not true.
The internet and all forms of media give us an annonymity. Blogging, posting, and sharing our stories online allow us the power to display our “self” with the power of an edit button, photoshop, and all the tools at hand on any basic computer. So…while yes, I am just as open online as I am in person, I find that it is unrealistic to expect everyone else to feel or be the same.
-So? God forbid we hold people to a higher standard that anonymity requires.
For some, the simple fact is that they do not carry the confidence to be authentic in person. This is due to so many intricacies…shyness, inability to communicate, assumptions that people make when they see us.
-Again, not everyone is interesting. Not everyone is worth listening to. The same work that went into them confident online could have gone into making confident in person.
So I think the challenge is more on the people that ARE confident to be the same in person as they are online…perhaps our feat is to find a way to encourage them to be more open rather than run away.
-Nope, because then we end up putting up with people that just don't add anything to the life we lead.
Michele, I'm the outspoken “devil may care about what others think about me” (most of the time) so I really appreciate your voice from the reserved side. I forget how important it is to develop the other side of an arguement, such as the idea that we can merge our two selves rather than focus on them fighting each other. Thank you!
I feel like I am hearing “take 'em out back and shoot 'em if they do not keep up”.
Yeah, I'm done. Good luck with your posts.
Oh, come on. I am trying to understand the apparent callousness of the replies – that may have been an overstatement, but I am hearing things like “we don't have to deal with them” or “what's the point of putting up with someone who adds no value to the conversation”. I am really interested in the point of view of Arizona…and you. Being honest about my opinion is not a crime…so talk it out with us.
Heather, Tyler is demonstrating the very point by being authentic online and off. He is that callous in real life.
But I tend to agree with him. If you can't manage to be consistent in your online and offline personas, or if you get embarrassed when what you say or post online gets called out in person, or if you believe that internet offers you any anonymity to hide behind, you don't belong online.
Projecting different aspects of your persona to different audiences is different that being a different person. After all I bet you don't say the same thing to your grandma an you beer buddies… People realize and accept that there are different sides to everybody. The problem comes when the two sides come into conflict with one another.
Your check is in the mail, Yuri.
Both of your checks are in the mail for making this post intriguing…thanks, guys! Looking forward to more.
What a interesting friend you must have to pose such an intriguing question.;) Having met my wife via an on-line chat room, and the fact that she did not run screaming from my house after the meeting proves that I blended the on-line and real life pretty well. Yea me!
My on-line personality is more bold, outgoing, and flirty than in person… because it's so easy to be that way on-line. And my real life personality is nearly a match these days. Did being on-line give me the confidence to be the same in real life? I think so.
Well said Dana! I was trying to reply and the words just wouldn't come out but you said it perfectly. I would add as time goes on people typically can blend their personas better. Initially, people may put up a shield but as they get used to the social media, it comes down and they become more their true self.
Karen…good point. As we get comfy in our self, we acclimate better to our surroundings. Therefore, we relax.